


Through his phone- Harry

by DrJackAndMissIole



Series: Through their phones [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: A Very Potter Musical - Freeform, AU, AVPM References, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Crack, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Texting, domestic drarry, text fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2019-08-02 16:10:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16308446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrJackAndMissIole/pseuds/DrJackAndMissIole
Summary: A day in Harry Potter's life, as said through the texts he sent and received.





	1. 15 September, Monday

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Melipedia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melipedia/gifts).



> As always,  
> I don't own shit.  
> This is an Au, where wizards have whatsapp years before whatsapp came to be  
> HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MELIPEDIA, THE BRIGHTEST TIMELORD OF OUR AGE  
> tvb talmente tanto che mi sono messa a scrivere sta merda solo perchè l'hai chiesta tu.  
> Enjoy.

**Chat: Asshole**

_08.30_

Wake up. You have to go and get Teddy

I’m already with him. I’ll leave him home. You almost done?

_08.32_

I’ll be home in 5.

I’ll text Neville to hold me a spot in class.

 

**Chat: Plant Master**

_08.33_

Hold me a seat.

Bring me a cookie, then.

 

**Chat: Asshole**

_08.35_

He wants cookies, do we have any?

Yes, they’re hidden in the third cupboard to the right, behind the canned soups.

This way Teddy never finds them

_08.37_

And you too, apparently.

Just get home jackass.

 

**Chat: My King**

_08.40_

Did you order the cake?

Double chocolate. Just as she likes them.

_08.42_

How did we manage to keep this all hidden from her without her noticing?

_08.43_

Bold of us to assume she didn’t notice.

True. That woman scares me.

I’m still shocked she decided to start dating you

BLESS THAT DAY!

_08.45_

See you later, going into class.

 

**Chat: Plant Master**

_08.47_

You’ve got two minutes.

Every day I thank Merlin for Disapparition and Apparition

 

**Chat: Asshole**

_11.03_

We’re out of toilet paper.

_11.06_

Then go and get some. I’m in class.

Don’t be absurd, darling. I cannot go, I’m busy.

_11.12_

Doing what exactly?

Decorating. It’s almost Halloween and there’s a lot to work to do.

Kreacher can’t do everything on his own.

Me and Teddy helped

_11.20_

Babe, I’m at uni, trying to follow this boring psychology lecture

Do you mind going and getting it?

_11.22_

Also, how did it end so soon? I remember buying a pack of 18 last week.

_11.25_

Draco... What did you do with it?

_11.26_

You'll see when you get home.

But please go and buy it.

I gotta get Teddy back to Andromeda in a while and won’t have enough time.

Fine.

_11.28_

Also, if you would’ve told me on our sixth year that you’d go to a muggle school with Slongbottom after graduating Hogwarts and passing your N.E.W.T.s with decent grades to STUDY to become a better DADA teacher!

I would’ve probably thought you’d gone mad

_11.32_

Don’t call him that.

_11.33_

Also fuck you cause I got more than decent grades at my N.E.W.T.s

And MCG is now requesting rightfully higher standards.

We don’t want a Lockhart pt. 2

_11.34_

That was so bloody funny.

Best teacher ever!

Hey!

but also if someone back then would’ve told your father that after the War we’d get together he’d have a stoke.

_11.35_

Would’ve been fine by me.

_11.36_

Still I thought only Granger would continue her studies since it’s probably the only thing she takes enjoyment from.

_11.40_

Gee, and now you’re also in this bunch!

How was that Modern Fantasy Literature class at the crack of dawn today?

Went well?

_11.41_

More than well.

But I almost had a vivid dialogue about CSLewis with the professor.

_11.45_

That’s your kind way of saying you’ve argued with someone.

What did he say?

That Narnia wasn’t real but was just made by Lucy’s fervid imagination?

_11.46_

No, he actually destroyed that thesis.

He was claiming that Aslan was a metaphor for God.

_11.49_

That’s actually possible and probably true.

What did you say to him?

I wanted to tell him that Aslan was meant as a reference to The Mighty Rumbleroar but then I restrained myself since the Professor isn’t a wizard.

_11.52_

Rumbleroar?

As in the lion headmaster of Pigfarts, the Witchcraft and Wizardry School on Mars?

_11.54_

You still don’t believe it’s true, do you?

_12.06_

On the bus, going to buy the toilet paper.

Want anything else?

_12.07_

I want you to admit that Pigfarts is real, Potter

Well, I’ve only got like 20£ so I guess that’s for another time.

_12.10_

Just wait until I get my rocket ship.

_12.13_

Then you’ll all be sorry for your blindness.

I am in the morning when I can't see you with bed hair. 

_12.18_

Don’t you get it, Harry?

We could’ve gone to a different Hogwarts.

IN SPACE!

_12.20_

And here I thought I was lucky enough of going to the regular one.

WHILE ALL THIS TIME I COULD’VE GONE ON MARS!!!!

_12.25_

I don’t know why I put up with you.

_12.26_

That’s cause you laaaaaaaave meeeeeeee

_12.29_

Just get the damn paper, Potter

 

**Chat: The Golden Trio**

_12.30_

A few things on this Green Earth are as funny as still pretending after all of this time that I don’t believe Pigfarts exists to Draco.

_12.31_

Smarty Pants: 

What did he say this time?

_12.32_

That he almost outed Rumbleroar to his Mod Lit prof when talking about Aslan.

My King:

Can I txt him & tell him I believe him and that I’ve managed to find a rocket ship and then bring him a pushie one?

_12.35_

Smarty Pants:

Wait for his birthday for that.

He is gonna freak out! Let’s do this!

_12.38_

Is it a bad thing that I enjoy pulling those kinds of pranks on my bf?

_12.39_

Smarty Pants:

Absolutely not. Yours is a healthy relationship and those pranks make it healthier for us to tolerate you shagging The Enemy.

My King:

Nah, mate, it's too much fun.

Also as your BFF I say we should do them more.

_12.40_

A PRANK WAR!

THE GRYFFINDORS VS THE SLYTHERINS

My King:

NOW YOU’RE TALKING.

 ON HALLOWEEN WE ATTACK

_12.41_

Smarty Pants:

 Those poor little snakes, they won’t even know what'll hit them.

 Ron rally the twins, we will discuss the battle plan tomorrow.

My King:

Deal.

_12.43_

HELP NEEDED HERE.

I don’t know which toilet paper to get.

My King:

4LAYERALLTHETIME

THE ANSWER’S ALWAYS 4 LAYERS!!!!

Smarty Pants:

It’s Malfoy we’re talking about.

He demands luxury at every possible occasion.

I say also 4 layers

_12.44_

But it’s expensiveeeee

Wait I’ll ask him.

 

**Chat: Asshole**

_12.45_

Which type should I get?

I’d say around as many layers as your buried issue of blindly trusting that everyone’s good deep down under.

Or maybe as many as your belief for everything.

_12.46_

And yet you still have to convince me of Rumbleroar’s existence.

Which it doesn’t btw.

_12.47_

Just get the damn paper, Potter.

 

**Chat: The Golden Trio**

_12.48_

You were right, he wants the delicate stuff.

My King:

Hell, probably 4 layers’ too rough for his posh ass                                                                                                                                                                          _12.50_

Considering he used to wear a diaper until second year.

Smarty Pants:

nothing spreads as fast as a fake rumour between the Portraits and the walls at Hogwarts.

Not even the plague.

_13.00_

Still up for tonight? Movie at yours @Smarty Pants?

Smarty Pants: 

Yup, Ron you’re in charge of the solid food and Scarface you’re in charge of alcohol.

_13.02_

My King:

You’re choosing the movie Princess?

 Smarty Pants: 

 got a problem with that Weasley?

_13.04_

My King: 

 Absolutely not.

As long as you don’t choose a horror we’ll behave.

Pinky swear

_13.06_

Smarty Pants:

 You both better

 Otherwise I’ve got It ready.

_13.10_

You really couldn’t have been more ominous.

Now I’ve gotta worry you’ll pop the soul-eating clown 

or literally anything else in your collection!

_13.15_

Smarty Pants:

 Btw I’ve got a reputation

 ask Draco if he wants to see the Nun with me Friday.

_13.16_

Can’t you ask him yourself?

Smarty Pants:

 As I said, reputation.

 My King: 

 Are you talking about the new Tay Swift album, cause otherwise you’ve got no other reputation.

_13.17_

Smarty Pants mentioned a text above:

_“Absolutely not. Yours is a healthy_ _relationship and those pranks_ _make it healthier for us to tolerate_ _you shagging the Enemy”_

He is the enemy, I will not leave traces of our meddling

 _13_. _18_

Every yime you 2 go out he posts a pic of u 2 on Instagram.

There are more than a few traces of your truce

_13.19_

*yime

Shit******TIME

My phone’s trying to kill me

_13.20_

Smarty Pants:

That’s what you get for messing with me.

 

**Chat: Asshole**

_13.11_

  Did you get it?

_13.15_

Potter I’m serious.

_13.20_

Potter I swear on Dumbledore’s glorious beard.

_13.21_

I’m home, TF are you? The house smells like something died in here

Loo. Bring me that paper immediately.

Mate what in Merlin’s bloody left sock did you eat that smells so bad?!?!

_13.26_

Draco, don’t you dare coming out of there unless you have a decent explanation on why most of the house’s covered in toilet paper.

Teddy wanted to.

He said it’s good decoration.

_13.27_

Teddy’s 3 and you’re 21.

You should’ve said no.

_13.28_

You try and say no to that kid.

It is hard, I’ll give you that.

I trained him too well against you Snakes

_13.30_

Just wait until the Sorting Hat decides he’s sorted into Slytherin.

If something like that happens I’ll personally hand him over to Rumbleroar

_13.31_

It’s not that simple!

IT’S ON MARS.

You need a rocket ship.

DO YOU HAVE A ROCKET SHIP, POTTER?

_13.33_

That’s it, I’m changing your contact name to Rocket Ship Man.

_13.35_

Fine, I’ll change yours to The One Who’ll Never Go To Pigfarts

 

**Chat: Ginger Spice**

_17.00_

Wanna train tomorrow? Charlie’s back, F&G agreed already, Won-Won and Bill will let me know in 10

Dean already booked the ground.

You in?

A little 4-on-4 without a snitch.

_17.02_

What time are we talking about?

6.30pm

_17.03_

Deal

How’s Luna?

_17.06_

Perfect, brilliant, super hot, adorable.

Did she tell you about her new discovery in Ireland?

_17.07_

Still hasn’t mentioned anything.

Probably wants to tell me in person.

_17.10_

Anyway, I talked to R and H

we’re planning a prank war against the snakes.

They won’t even know what’s coming for them.

I’m in, obviously.

_17.12_

Should we make a group chat?

YEAH!

Let’s call it Let’s Get Spooky

since we’re starting at Halloween

 

**Chat: Let’s Get Spooky**

_17.15_

@Ginger Spice created the group

@Ginger Spice added you, @My King, @Smarty Pants, @Frederickckck, @Georgina, @Dragon Lord, @Sailor Moon, @Plant Master

_17.16_

Ginger Spice:

 People. We are at war. Again.

 And this time, IT’S PERSONAL

 *Dun dun duuuuuun*

Sailor Moon:

 I’m a Ravenclaw I’ve got nothing to do with this.

_17.17_

@Sailor Moon removed itself from the group

Smarty Pants:

 We have our first fallen soldier

Dragon Lord:

She was so brave

_17.18_

Now we have to mourn!

We will plan the war tomorrow at the field.

 @Frederickckck & @Georgina prepare your weapons.

Georgina:

Yes, my Dark Lord.

Frederickckck: 

We live to please you, My Dark Lord.

_17.20_

My King:

A moment of laughter remembering that the thing Good Ol’ Voldy wanted most was to be the DADA teacher and now Harry’s gonna be it.

_17.21_

Ginger Spice:

That’s why he wanted to kill him.

Plant Master:

And who can blame him? His notes are messier than The Room of Requirements when you have to find something you’ve lost.

 

**Chat: Plant Master**

_17.23_

Just wanted to ask.

Did you understand what the prof said about Freud?

Will it be on the exam?

_17.26_

You can’t read your own notes, can you?

OF COURSE NOT!

HOW DARE YOU???

_17.28_

Can I borrow yours?

Bring me coffee every morning we have a math lecture

Done. You’re a lifesaver.

Study together Friday?

_17.29_

Yup.

**Chat:** **The One Who’ll Never Go To Pigfarts**

_19.00_

At Mione’s.

What should I tell her about Friday?

Tell her to meet me in front of the theatre wearing a disguise.

People can’t know we’re friends.

_19.03_

She said she’ll be there.

She also said to remember the thing

_19.06_

What thing is she talking about?

_19.07_

Darling, I love you.

But I’m not going to reveal you our secret

Damn, you so scared of her!

That’s my girl!

I’m so proud!

_19.08_

Bugger off.

What movie did she choose?

Mary Poppins

_19.09_

Fitting, considering the Thing.

Wait... Hold on.

_19.11_

Draco?

_19.15_

Why are you not answering me?

_19.20_

What the fuck are you texting Hermione that she won’t let us read?!?

_19.30_

Me and your best friend are trying to crack the code.

Tell her yes.

Tomorrow at breakfast

_19.32_

You were literally texting her, couldn’t you tell her???

WTF??

Also what code?

You’ll know when we decide to let you know.

Enjoy movie night & kiss Weasley on the forehead for me

...if you can reach it.

_19.33_

I will cut your kneecaps.

See you later.

Love you.

 

**Chat: The Golden Trio**

_23.19_

The Chosen One made it home safely.

Smarty Pants:

 Good.

My King:

 If even by mistake your boyfriend finds out about Let’s Get Spooky I’ll kill you personally.

 I’ll succeed where Voldy failed.

_23.20_

Chill.

He doesn’t suspect anything.

We’ll talk tomorrow.

‘Night

Smarty Pants:

 Night.

My King:

Nougat.


	2. 19 September, Friday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's Hermione's birthday!!!!

**Chat: My King**

_08.00_

Wake up jerk! It’s the day!

_08.10_

I was under the shower. Don’t freak out just yet.

_08.15_

Does she suspect?

Not a thing.

I call it a Christmas Miracle

 _08_. _20_

I’m still scared she’ll kill us.

IT’S A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY

WHY WOULD SHE MURDER US?

_08.23_

Besides, that’s illegal

When did that ever stop her?

Or us in general btw.

_08.26_

Anyway, is the oiled machine ready?

I think so.

_08.30_

You know, normal people organize secret group chats for birthdays

Or other activities

Like the Let’s Get Spooky!

_08.31_

Yea

But we didn’t do that cause we’re too scared of her finding out and killing us.

_08.34_

Honestly, I believe that if she had wanted to she could’ve brought Voldy down on her own

Only helped by MCG

_08.35_

Nah, Minnie could’ve done it ages before we did

She just couldn’t be bothered to put up with Dumbledore’s awful planning

_08.37_

Smart woman, we should’ve followed her lead.

**Chat: Dragon Lord**

_08.30_

Will land nearby Heathrow.

How can I get the package to Grimmauld Place?

_08.32_

I’d say cloaking spell and flying.

_08.36_

Just curious, how big is it going to get?

_08.37_

The size of a German Pastor

Probably

Maybe bigger

_08.39_

Will she be able to keep it at home?

_08.40_

She’ll behave like a dog

A flying fire breathing carnivore dog

That’s literally the cutest shit ever

_08.42_

You’re biased

Also thank Merlin for the new law on magical animals!

_08.45_

Mom’s loving her little dragon

I know, she’s using him to help clean up the house and finish the leftovers and clean up the garden

_08.50_

She deserves a knighthood

MOLLY WEASLEY: the woman who managed to have a dragon eat his vegetables!

That’s a scene I’d pay to see!

**Chat: My King**

_08.40_

Anyway, Charlie said he’ll land soon

The new place has a garden, right?

_08.41_

Everything is ready for the little puppy.

Did my brother tell you if it’s a little girl or a little boy?

_08.43_

He called her she so I believe it’s a girl.

AWESOME!

THEY CAN MAKE LITTLE DRAGONS WITH MUM’S ONE!

_09.00_

Draco said they’ll go to the movies at 5pm

That leaves enough time to get my place ready, doesn’t it?

_09.05_

G&L are in charge of the decoration.

Yea but we need F&G need to help me remove the toilet paper from the living room

_09.07_

Teddy still doesn’t want it to come down?

He could put it back on before Halloween!

_09.10_

He throws a tantrum every time I mention it

And you should also hear him say Halloween

SO CUTE

**Chat: Sailor Moon**

_09.11_

Ready?

_09.13_

Only if you are.

5pm is okay to start?

_09.14_

How long is the movie?

Wait I’ll ask.

_09.16_

1h40m ish

Tell him to take a detour or walk back home slowly

**Chat: My King**

_09.20_

RECORD HIM

EVEN BETTER WE’LL MAKE HIM SAY IT TONIGHT

_09.21_

It’ll be Mione’s present from him

Too late, he already made her a masterpiece

Doesn’t want to show me even!

**Chat: Smarty Pants**

_09.30_

Tell your boyfriend to come by mine at 4pm

So we can choose the food to snuck in the theatre

_09.35_

Why not you coming to ours?

_09.36_

Cause I live closer

For now

????

_09.38_

You really could’ve been never sorted in Ravenclaw

Nor Slytherin

Nor Hufflepuff

And I’m honestly so offended you were sorted in Gryffindor cause you bring the QI down by a thousand

_09.40_

DUDE

SERIOUSLY

I’m not the dumbest tho

Two words: Flying Letters.

_09.42_

Fuck off

Aren’t you gonna wish me Happy Birthday, Scarface?

_09.45_

You’re mean so no.

Rude.

Anyway ILY

Don’t forget to tell the snake to come over

_09.50_

4pm sharp

He said he’ll be there at 3.30

Perfect.

**Chat: Sailor Moon**

_09.35_

WE GAINED A HOUR

_09.40_

OMG we might actually have a chance to pull this thing off

I’m coming at 16.16

This way we know for sure if she’s not coming

_09.41_

Luna I love you so much I just wanna hug you

Later we’ll have lots of hugs of relief when she doesn’t murder us

_09.43_

I think she knows.

Of course she knows, she’s just pretending

**Chat: My King**

_09.41_

Your girlfriend is mean

Why am I her friend, she’s mean!

_09.43_

She saved our asses on multiple occasion

We have probably sold her our souls involuntarily

At least you have one

_09.45_

I ONLY HAD HALF OF IT TO CALL MINE

I know, Harry, I know

**Chat: Georgina**

_09.40_

How much toilet paper are we talking about?

_09.42_

So much

Like, probably 18 rolls or so

OMIGODRIC

You’re raising a true mischief king, Harry

Chapeaux!

_09.44_

I can’t wait for Minnie to complain about him but secretly love him for it on his first year

Minnie loves all us dysfunctional pranksters, it’s canon

_09.46_

Anyway, we’ll be there before you get suffocated in toilet paper.

Lifesavers.

**Chat: The Golden Trio**

_10.30_

Smarty Pants:

Brunch?

Sorry, class in half an hour.

_10.35_

My King:

Lunch?

Smarty Pants:

But I’m hungry nowwwww

_10.37_

Eat some fruits and then we’ll have lunch at 12

_10.40_

My King:

That place I like near your uni?

Yes.

It’s Fried Friday

Smarty Pants:

I’m breathing heavily just by thinking of it!

Ron, class is about to finish, come and get me?

_10.42_

My King:

Already here.

**Chat: Plant Master**

_10.34_

For once I’m here before you!

_10.38_

Hold me a spot.

_10.40_

In the front.

Choose a place I’d choose.

_10.41_

But you always choose the frontest front!

_10.42_

I’m gonna allow you only the third row.

No further

**Chat: The One Who’ll Never Go To Pigfarts**

_11.30_

You almost done??

The lecture literally just started

_11.31_

That was half an hour ago

Should be done by nowwwww

_11.35_

My classes last more than yours.

At least another hour

_11.40_

And I’m going to lunch with Mon and Ron

Wow.

I feel so betrayed right now.

You prefer spending time with your friends than with your boyfriend?

_11.43_

First of all

I am almost 24 7 with you

Not true, we both got classes at different times!!!

_11.44_

Second

Hell yeah I prefer to spend time with my best friends.

Rude.

**Chat: The Golden Trio**

_12.00_

My King:

We’re here

_12.02_

I’m ditching Neville and coming

Smarty Pants:

TELL HIM I SAY HI

_12.03_

Done

Coming

**Chat: The One Who’ll Never Go To Pigfarts**

_13.00_

I’m having lunch with Blaise and Pansy.

Ok

_13.05_

Just so you know I still got friends

_13.06_

Never said anything like that

_13.10_

Whatever Potter.

**Chat: Plant Master**

_14.30_

Library. 3 pm to 5pm

I still can’t understand the last algebra problem

_14.32_

Bold of you to assume I did

_14.35_

I didn’t say you did, for obvious reasons.

But, maybe together we can get it

Two brains are better than one

_14.40_

OMW

How much coffee do we need?

_14.45_

GALLONS.

_14.53_

Waiting at our usual table.

Is it already laid for two?

_14.54_

Yeah

Drinks are missing

The bartender’s on his way

**Chat: The One Who’ll Never Go To Pigfarts**

_15.00_

At the library

Closing the phone till 5pm

Stick to the plan

Okay

**Chat: Georgina**

_15.00_

Keys under the matt

Don’t use alohomora

**Chat: Sailor Moon**

_15.01_

Good luck with the twins

Thanks. Gonna need it

**Chat: The One Who’ll Never Go To Pigfarts**

_17.15_

Movie’s starting

You’ve got two hours.

_17.30_

Don’t worry about it.

**Chat: My King**

_17.20_

You got it?

_17.30_

I’m here

_17.35_

MATE

YOU GAVE THEM THE WRONG NAME

_17.36_

NO I DIDN’T

_17.38_

THEY BLOODY WROTE HOPPING BIRDMAN HER MEOWING

BUT I WROTE HAPPY BIRTHDAY HERMIONE ON A FUCKING PIECE OF PAPER

_17.39_

BUT YOUR HANDWRITING IS COMPLETE SHIT

CAN THEY FIX IT?????

THEY’RE TRYING

_17.50_

It’s sort of fixed

Do I wanna know?

_17.51_

Considering it’s your fault.

They wrote Hermione in tiny letters above it

_17.53_

We’re so dead

She might think it’s a joke

_17.55_

It literally says HOPPING BIRDMAN HER MEOWING

WE HAVE TO PRAY MERLIN’S NUTSACK SHE’LL THINK IT’S A JOKE

_18.00_

Just come here, we’ll see what Luna can do

**Chat: Dragon Lord**

_18.30_

I’m coming down on the roof

Door’s open

**Chat: The One Who’ll Never Go To Pigfarts**

_19.00_

Movie’s over

I’m coming home

Granger is coming as well

_19.02_

Honestly

I’d rather have Mione home than you

_19.03_

Rude

She’s laughing

You two have the most fucking absurd sense of humour ever

_19.05_

We know

We love it

That’s ridiculous!

THOSE ARE HER EXACT SAME WORDS!

WTF

_19.10_

You guys are walking or magic?

Floo powder in 2 minutes

_22.07_

You look so bloody delicious right now.

_22.10_

I thought I always looked delicious

_22.15_

Meet me upstairs

We have guests!

_22.16_

We’ll be quiet

Besides there’s alcohol

_22.20_

No one will notice us

_22.22_

Fine

**Chat: Let’s Get Spooky**

_23.00_

Georgina

Sleeping with the enemy, Potter?

Frederickckck

Already, Potter?

_23.05_

Ginger Spice

He is selling his ass up for the cause

Plant Master

That’s a good little soldier

_23.06_

Fuck off

All of you

Smarty Pants

Okay that’s it Party’s Over

Goodbye Harry

_23.07_

WAIT MIONE

**Chat: The Golden Trio**

_23.15_

My King

Home

Great

Still, Hopping Birdman Her Meowing.

_23.16_

Smarty Pants

I gotta admit I’ve never laughed so much in a long time

My King

We’re glad of it

_23.18_

We were scared you might kill us because of it

Smarty Pants

Thought about it

Laughed about it

But then I said to myself that if I were to kill you two

Well, just think about it

_23.20_

My King

MON!!!

I’M FUCKING SLEEPING NEXT TO YOU

YOU CAN’T THREATHEN ME LIKE THIS AND THEN ASK ME TO SPOON YOU

Oh Merlin

And now you have a fire breathing dragon that could kill for you

_23.21_

Smarty Pants

Saphira would never do something like that

You two fatties would ruin her diet

I DIDN’T COME HERE TO BE INSULTED

23.22

My King

Me neither

GOODNIGHT

Night

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading  
> don't forget to leave a comment and some kudos :)  
> jo


	3. 29/04, Monday

**Chat: My King**

_03.45_

I’m freaking out

I’ll never do it

I can’t

_03.47_

Umbridge and Piton were right all along

_03.48_

I suck at everything

I’ll never make it

I should’ve just been an Auror, they offered me a job after all

_03.50_

The worst part is that I’m gonna disappoint Minnie

_03.51_

Breath, brother.

Just breath for a second

_03.52_

Better?

Kinda

I guess

Sorry

_03.53_

The fuck you’re apologizing for?

Waking you up?

Nah

I’m always gonna be up for you

_03.54_

We owe that to each other now that we can’t sleep in the same bed after a nightmare anymore

I mean we could, but no way I’m sleeping next to that snake

_03.55_

Yeah, true

Don’t know how I manage to sleep next to a snake!

_03.56_

Thank you

That dream again?

_03.57_

It messes up with my head so much, you know?

I mean, I love what I wanna do, I love the idea of doing it

I’m great at teaching for Godric’s sake!

But what if it’s just some sick mind trick left by whatever part of Voldemort was in me?

_03.58_

He is gone for good. Besides, he only wanted the position to have power.

Think of it this way

_03.59_

He was Snape, maybe average at teaching but excellent in potions and spells and all that jazz.

Snape wanted to be the DADA teacher so badly, but he didn’t care about the children that were in his class, nor about making us learn stuff. He only thought about himself and, in a sick way, about your mum, which made him even worse!

He made Hermione cry for her teeth, he was Neville’s greatest fear even with all the crazy and terrible shit that had happened to him, made you feel worthless and was not a good teacher. Not in the slightest.

_04.00_

Voldemort at Hogwarts would’ve been the same

Maybe with a little bit of Slughorn if we were lucky, but overall just as bad as Snape.

_04.01_

You asleep?

No

Keep on going

This is helping a lot and I’m always down to drag that asshole’s name over the mud

Which one?

_04.02_

Both.

Dumb question, right I know

_04.03_

Anyway you get the equation

Voldemort would’ve been Snape, while you, my friend, are gonna be Remus.

Think about him teaching

He loved doing it, was so great at it

He taught us how to defend ourselves in a funny and bloody fantastic way, he was patient and kind and amazing

_04.04_

He gave us chocolate and was just the right kind of teacher

And I’m not saying this only because I care about you as much if not more than I care about my brothers

I’m saying this because I know it’s true

_04.06_

Although you’re never gonna be better than Minnie, but you’re still gonna be bloody fantastic!

_04.07_

Okay now you actually are asleep

_04.08_

Would you believe me if I told you that I’m crying silently not to wake Draco?

_04.09_

Would you believe me if I told you I’m doing the same and Hermione just stirred in her sleep and oh my Godric she just hugged me!!!!

Careful! If you wake her up she’s probably gonna murder us!

_04.15_

Did you die?

Not yet

_04.16_

You better?

A little

I think I’m gonna go to sleep now

Sorry again for waking you, brother

_04.17_

That’s two more muggle coins for the sorry jar, brother.

Goodnight, see you in the morning

**Chat: Plant Master**

_09.00_

Rise and shine sleeping beauty!

It’s THESIS DAY AND GRADUATION DAY!

_09.02_

What if I don’t pass?

_09.03_

I’m not Ronald

If you want to be comforted cause you feel like crap you talk to him, not to me

Plus I think it would be pretty damn good if you went to a shrink.

_09.04_

Hi Blaise

Draco says hi too

_09.05_

Damn Potter

How’d you known!?

I  know Neville and you ain’t him, sir

_09.06_

Sorry for my boyfriend, he’s a pain in my ass

Also Harry

There’s no need to call me sir, Professor Potter

_09.10_

Shut the fuck up Neville I’m scared

We’ve literally worked three years nonstop for this

_09.11_

I know that

Believe me I know that so bloody well

But just Idk

No butts Harry

Remember

WWGGD?

_09.12_

I’m pretty sure Godric Gryffindor didn’t need to go to university to teach.

Like all the Hogwarts professors before us

The only one with decent math grasps is McGonagall

_09.15_

True

She’s our beacon of light in the darkest medieval nightmare that is Hogwarts without electricity

_09.16_

Everything I’ve worked hard for in the past three years is gonna go rot in hell

_09.17_

C’mon

Brighten the fuck up!!!

You know that this is just a formality

Right?

_09.18_

Mate we just have to tell our thesis to the commission, they already know our grades and all

We could literally act like fishes and not speak during anything, they still are gonna give us our diplomas and degrees and whatever

_09.19_

Neville

Kinda helping but not really

_09.20_

Just get dressed and meet me there at 11

_09.25_

Are the others coming as well?

Dunno

Ask them

**Chat: We Got Spooky**

_09.25_

Plant Master 

You’re all coming, right?

_09.26_

Ginger Spice 

Wouldn’t miss it for the world!

Frederickckck 

YUP

_09.28_

You guys don’t have to, it’s gonna be boring

Georgina 

NOT WITH US IT WONT

_09.29_

My King 

Chill George, Harry’s freaking out cause he doesn’t know how to tie his bowtie

Don’t stress him

Smarty Pants 

His single brain cell can’t process all of this at once, poor Chosen One

_09.30_

@Smarty Pants I’m gonna burn all your books if you don’t shut up

Smarty Pants 

I dare you, Scareface

Plant Master 

Children, no fighting outside the Gryffindor common room!

**Chat: The Golden Trio**

_09.27_

Smarty Pants 

It’s gonna be okay

I love you so much you’re doing amazing

And you’ll keep on doing amazing

I’m so proud of you, Harry James Potter

_09.28_

My eyes are sweaty pls stop

Mon, I’m scared shitless

_09.29_

Also @My King

Fuck You Brother

_09.30_

TU QUOQUE GRANGER!?!?!

_09.31_

But I really don’t know how to tie this thing properly and Malfoy won’t help cause he’s a jerk

My King 

We’re on our way to Grimmauld Place anyway

Don’t worry

Smarty Pants 

I’ll kick Malfoy for you while Ron helps whatever fashion disaster you put on

_09.32_

May I remind you of the brilliant and charming and completely dazzling suit your boo wore at the Yule Ball 4th year?

_09.33_

Smarty Pants 

Thankfully his style has grown and got slightly better

But you, Potter. You should be a fashionista

I’m bi, not gay

_09.34_

Smarty Pants 

I was gonna say cause you spend a lot of time with Malfoy

Bi people dress way better than you

My King 

Stop dragging us through the mud Hermione

We’re floo powdering right now

**Chat: Plant Master**

_10.30_

I’m going in, I’m too nervous

Same

_10.31_

How many people before and between us?

_10.35_

I counted four more, then it’s you

Godric Gracious

I’m fucking shaking

_10.36_

No sarcastic joke, actual shaking happening

I TOLD YOU THIS SHIT FREAKS ME OUT  
But you are right, we can’t fail

_10.37_

Where in Godric’s left side boob are you?

Next to the small entrance

I see you, coming

**Chat: We Got Spooky**

_11.20_

Ginger Spice 

GOOOO NEVILEEEE!!!

He can’t read it now, he’s talking

_11.22_

Where are you guys?

_11.25_

Frederickckck 

Up and Up those stairs

DON'T look up

_11.30_

Smarty Pants 

How many more till it’s your turn?

They’re going so fast

10 people I think

_11.40_

Plant Master 

I LIVEEEEEE

Where are you guys?

Georgina 

You can look up at us, you’re free now!

From the deepest bottom of my soul

_11.41_

Fuck you guys.

Yours truly, Harry James Potter

**Chat: The One Who’ll Never Go To Pigfarts**

_11.50_

Your friends are absurd

Slongbottom left

You’re gonna do fine, I suppose

_11.51_

Thanks I guess

Draco, I really love you but Fuck You.

Later ;)

_11.52_

Shut up or I’ll block you

**Chat: We Got Spooky**

_12.30_

Plant Master 

It almost feels like you’re the last person

My King 

Maybe cause he is?

_12.31_

Ginger Spice 

GOOOOOO HARRYYYYY

_13.00_

The fuck you all disappeared to?

Smarty Pants 

Come outside

**Chat: The Golden Trio**

_18.06_

My King 

We got home

See you at the restaurant in two hours brother

_18.07_

Me and Draco have just arrived as well

I need a shower

Smarty Pants 

Yeah

_18.08_

Smarty Pants 

We wouldn’t want you forgetting about your personal hygiene like Snape

Would we, Professor Potter?

_18.09_

I’m literally gonna cry

Okay byeeeee

 

**Chat: Plant Master**

_18.15_

We fucking did it, Professor Potter

We fucking did it, Professor Longbottom

_18.16_

But can we talk one second about how fucking nice it was of Professor McG to come and listen to our thesis and just be there and OMG I’m crying

She’s the best

I’m still crying too

Today was perfect

_18.17_

The only thing missing was a giant FUCK YOU SNAPE poster

I know!

I’ll suggest Luna to bring it to dinner

YES PLEASE

_18.20_

Anyway

I’m gonna cry till August

And then on September 1st we’re pulling a Remus Lupin and taking the train

_18.21_

DIRECTLY IN OUR UNIFORMS

YES BRILLIANT GENIOUS!!!!!

See you later 

Later mate

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading.  
> Please, don't forget to leave kudos and a comment :)  
> jo


End file.
